I always wanted to be a journalist.

I was, and still am, interested in reporting and pounding for the truth- the subversive, subjugated truth, and revealing it to the public. I love talking to people and listening to what they have to say, and reading in between the lines, and getting a grasp between intuition and what they present themselves to be. I think it's so cool to be the mouthpiece of 'truth'- the underdog reporter that stuns the whole world. And in case you haven't noticed, I love big ideas.

So, it's weird. I never thought I'd end up doing what I do now, and maybe in another ten years I'll wonder about it again.

Web design. How on earth did I end up becoming a web designer? It was never my forte, I did it just to get by the stupid modules in Poly, and now I actually do it for a respectable organization. Yes, I did do it well enough. But in my opinion, I was definitely never professionally 'good enough'. How did I become a 'web' girl? I never planned for it. To be frank, I hate html. I love the outcome of how little codes weave together to form that masterpiece, but I'd much rather be the one dictating how things should look than the technician obsessing over the technicalities. But yet.

Life's full of possibilities and paradoxically, closed doors. Somehow I know that all these pit stops will eventually be like the little dots that when you draw a pencil along them, will form a complete picture. I look back and I see this dot and that, but I still don't know how the picture will be like. I hope it will be wonderful, and I think it will be because somehow someone has had the dots put in place.

But as the picture gets drawn, I sit in my desk day after day and my best friends are called 'Dreamweaver' and 'Photoshop'. I don't see a point in it at all. I don't want to do this for life, god no, but then I know it will bring me somewhere. I'm just pretty impatient to get off the damn bus and find out exactly.

And I really do hope, even though now it seems pretty far-fetched to me, I really do hope to write for a prestigious publication someday.

Yeah I know people dream of these things all the time. I know there are lots of people better at doing it than me. I just want a stab at it, and I just want to know for sure that I'm not good enough or I'm not cut out for it before I give up. And there are tons of other things I'd like to do...

But the irony is, you can't always carpe diem and seize the day. It's not so easy, not when you're desk-bound, and your path for the next 3 years (and probable career after) are already set on paper. But still... my head's in the clouds. Maybe that's why somebody told me that I seem unfocused. Do I want this job? I'm leaving in 2 weeks.

What if I told you, no?