3 a.m. Phone Calls: The White House Transcripts

from VF.com

David Friend

The White House today released selected transcripts from several late night and early morning telephone conversations logged by various U.S. presidents between 1962 and 2008.

May 19, 1962, 3 a.m.
M. Monroe: “Happy Birthday, Mr. President.”
President Kennedy: “What … what time is it …?”
MM: (Soft cooing)
JFK: “… Marilyn?”
MM: “It’s three in the morning, and it’s your birthday, Mr. President.”
JFK: “Three in the morning?! You at the Mayflower again?”
MM: “(Breathlessly) Yes. (Whispering) Room 817.”
JFK: “No, no … You come here this time. I’ll send a car …”
MM: (Cooing continues … Unintelligible.)

April 17, 1973, 3:20 a.m.
President Nixon: “Bob, can you hear me?”
H. R. Haldeman: “(Fumbling for receiver. Expletive.) Hello?”
RMN: “That y-you, Bob?”
HRH: “Mr. President? Yes, Haldeman here.”
RMN: “Is this line s-safe?”
HRH: “Should be, yes. You all right, Mr. President? Your voice is a little slurry.”
RMN: “You called me, Bob. S’everything all right?”
HRH: “Sir, I was sound asleep. I think the call came from … Excuse me, sir, but are you okay?”
RMN: “Bob, you’re going to tell them that … the, uh … that I didn’t know about the break-in before the break-in, did I?”
HRH: “Correct, Mr. President. You did not, sir. You did not have fore-knowledge of the break-in at the Watergate.”
RMN: “That’ssss cor-rect, yessir-ee.”
HRH: “Absolutely.”
RMN: “Thanks, Bob. Remember that. Now get some, get some rest now, will you? Bottoms up, Bob-o, and see you in the morning.”

October 30, 1974, 10:30 p.m.
President Ford: [After misdialing and getting a Domino’s Pizza parlor, the president connects to his Soviet counterpart]
Leonid Brezhnev: “Da?”
GRF: “My apologies, Leonid, Gerry Ford here …”
LB: “[Russian expletive deleted.] It is middle of night! It is night time!”
GRF: “Sorry, sorry, really, I always get the time zones reversed. And I meant to call you on the black phone …”

May 12, 1986, 12:20 a.m.
Ronald Wilson Reagan to Secret Service agent S. Griswold: “Steve?”
SG: “Yes, sir.”
RWR: “Have all the West Coast games ended by now? I know the Angels-Red Sox were in extra innings.”
SG: “They were, sir. Shall I connect you?”
RWR: “Fine, please.”
Sports Phone Announcer: “This is Tris Scott for Sports Phone. For the current Major League baseball scores, press ‘One’ now …”

August 4, 1996, 3 a.m.
President Clinton: “Hey, babe …”
M. Lewinsky: “Hey, Mr. President.”
WJC: “Sorry, but we’ve only got a coupla minutes. Hillary’s expecting her 3:15 from Kofi Annan. I gotta leave the line open … So we gotta talk, y’know, softly.”
ML: “You want me ta go first?”
WJC: “(Laughing) Yeah. You go, girl.”
ML: “(Moaning) Oh, that nasty [unintelligible]…”
WJC: “(Heavy panting.)”

January 14, 2002, 2 a.m.
President George W. Bush: “Guggg, glugggg, hhhhh …”
White House operator: “Mr. President?”
GWB: “Uh-huh. Hhhhh … (Choking sounds)”
Operator: “Is it those pretzels again, sir? The doctor’s on call. I’ll get him to come up there at once. Please stay on the line. But please take a drink of water first.”
GWB: “(Drinking sounds)”
Operator: “That better?”
GWB: “Better, better …”
Operator: “Glad to hear it. The doctor’s on his way.”
GWB: "(Raspy) Thanks."

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damn hilarious lah. moral of the story. you can be a president...

but still have an affair with a famous actress (who doesn't seem v sound. was the word "unintelligable" used to describe marilyn's words? why's she COOING?), or how about your white house intern (while telling her about your wife's plans), conspire that you didn't conspire (i meant, break-in before break-in), have the extremely urgent agenda way over national priorities of checking the scores of baseball matches AND still find the time to be a total fucking idiot.

let's all run for presidency!

Does anyone else find this funny?

I showed this to Colin and he totally doesn't think it's funny. well, I think it is!!

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A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, “What are you doing?”

She answers, “I’m moving to Sydney . I heard prostitutes there get
paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free.”

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her
husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he’s going, he replies, “I’m coming too, I
want to see how you live on $800 a year”.

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A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver’s door.

“Is there a problem Officer?”

The policeman says, “Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?”

The driver responds, “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”

“You don’t have one?”

The man responds, “I lost it four times for drink driving.”

The policeman is shocked. “I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

The policeman says, “Why not?”

“I stole this car.”

The officer says, “Stole it?”

The man says, “Yes, and I killed the owner.”

At this point the officer is getting stressed. “You what!?”

“She’s in the trunk if you want to see.”

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

The senior officer says “Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!”

The man steps out of his vehicle. “Is there a problem Officer?”

The officer responds, “Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?”

The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but a spare tire.

The officer says, “Is this your car sir?”

The man says “Yes,” and hands over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned.

“One of my officers claims that you do not have a drivers license.” The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer.

The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. “Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner.”

The man replies, “I bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!”

From here.

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I love Top 10's. Top 10's of 2007 here.