When I look at my twin, I see another way I could have been.

I guess the very interesting thing about being part of such an accidental occurrence of nature is that you are given somebody to race through life with, with the same exact head start- same parents, same home, same 'nurturing', same schooling, and even (when we were really young) same looks- you can see whether it's really nature or nurture that makes you who 'you' really are.

It occurred to me that my twin sister and I are so distinctly different despite starting out the same.

Are we born the way we are or do external influences make us this way? Do we choose our own paths or is it already predetermined by genetics?

How much of our personality is actually determined by us?

I could have been Faith. Faith could have been me. We could have been a totally different person from either of us. The only similarity we share are physical, and we have the same interest in literature and arts, we both have very bad depression, and we struggle together in a family that's less than perfect. But when it comes to taste, boys or even conversation topics, we veer steeply off-tangent in the similarities.

I remember that by the time we were in primary school the disparity was already so stark. I was over-confident of myself, loved to be sarcastic to adults (because I thought I'd score points being so 'smart'), while she was withdrawn, and emotional (she cried when we moved house), and really very kind (she donated so much of her allowance to SPCA in snail mail). I think that was when we started to look apart (another thing I always pondered about- was it when we started acting different from each other that we looked different too?).

Why do some people fuck up in good families and some don't? Why do people succeed in fucked up families and some don't?

Maybe it really is all about motivation- who you want to be becomes who you are.

Recently my Dad told me, "Life is like a playing with a deck of cards. Your cards are already picked out for you- however bad. That's just the way it is."

Then again, on the bright side, it doesn't mean that when you have a bad set of cards, and you play the game well, you can't win. I admit it's advantageous to have the good cards. But that really already is just the way it is, and you can't fight it.