Hold The Moment

2008-08-14T07:23:00.005+08:00

There are things that we all know are true, but we will never admit to it. There are skeletons in all our closets, but we pretend that we can face the daylight every morning. Aren't we all illusionists?

I create a world where I can live in because I need it to sustain myself. I create the illusion of support from people I know I will never get it from. I create the illusion of strong friendships when I know they are fragile. I create the illusion of family when I know eventually we face our own loneliness. I create the illusion of happiness because it's my life's pursuit. I create the illusion of safety, of peace, of harmony, of trust, of confidence- because I am not willing to face my fears directly- that I am not secure, I do not feel stable, I need harmony, I don't know whom to trust, and I am not confident. I am a big believer that ignorance is bliss, and the irony is I also believe self-induced ignorance can be bliss.

Eventually when you dig into every single person it is a tiring myriad of problems. You open one door and you are led deeper and darker into an abyss of loneliness, sadness and uncertainties. Everyone has loved deeply, been hurt deeply, and longs to love again somehow. It is easy to fall in love, it is not easy to stay in love or be faithful. It is easy to believe that you can be different, it is not easy to realise the humanity and flaws that you have, that we are all no different from the other- skin for skin, hurt for hurts. Every morning we create our own illusions to have enough courage to live for the day. Some try to lose weight, some dress better, some gossip- and it is all the same, it is to create the illusion of confidence or power so that you have the strength for the day.

If my bubble gets burst I will blow it up again. If someone interferes with my balance I will fight to stabilise it again. If someone crushes my dreams, dashes my hopes, wrecks my body- I will find someone to love again, to dream, to hope to build my body up again with.

Have you heard the Rocky Balboa story? I remember it being told in church before. You get hit, you get up again. You get hit, you get up again. And you can keep on getting hit in life until your mouth's filled with spit and blood and your body and mind and soul is bruised. But just before the last punch that's meant to send your grave, I swear you WILL get up again.

I will.

2008-07-21T01:49:00.005+08:00

I LOVE YOU, MOSES LEW KAI JIN.

You have made everything possible.

You have improved my life.

You have been my crying shoulder.

You have been my pillar of strength.

You have made me find my way amongst the desert.

You have accepted me for what I could not accept of myself.

You have proved that there is such a thing as the right one.

You have been the reward of the pain and the complications and the hurts.

Thank you for holding my hand and walking through the darkness with me.

I think we will make it.

2008-06-16T01:55:00.005+08:00

HE is the one man who has stayed in my life from beginning until today, purely by choice.

HE is the man who has seen his daughter in her ugliest states, with bad breath, on bad hair days, seen the ugly parts of her character that slip through, and still love her.

HE is the man who is always silent, but in the silence is the strength- to believe in a marriage, a family, a woman, far from perfect, to have the resilience to hold on despite how insane things became, and to have the faith to believe that life will turn out fine.

HE is the man who has never revealed a shred of his emotion- his tears and fears are hidden behind a perfectly stoic mask and steel voice, and regardless of the monsters that plague him, wakes up every morning to masquerade ease.

HE is the man who always reminded me of my worth even when it was unbelievable to convince myself of it, who has constantly reiterated that if a man loves me he will love me as well as my Father and better, who has dreams for me that I don't even dare whisper.

HE has never stopped believing in me.

HE is the most important man in my life. I love my Dad.

And for all the times that I was embarrassed to hold my Father's hand in public, to watch the countless movies in a hip place like Cineleisure, all the times he has suddenly shown up while I was with my friends and left all of us in awkward limbo, or other flaws he has (nobody's perfect), he has more than made up for it with the way he has chosen to stick with a broken family and do all he can do to piece it back up.

Very few men would have chosen to stay with a woman when the logical decision would have been to leave.

Very few men would concede that love isn't the crazy rush and easy days, it is also sticking with the mundane, the tedious, the quarrels, the unreasonable and the depressing, the hopeless and the pain and the dirt.

I am PROUD of my Dad, HONOURED to have a Father like him, and INSPIRED with the decisions he has made.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.

Miracles do exist!

2008-06-12T06:30:00.002+08:00

Module:
BUSINESS STATISTICS 1

Marks:
54

Grade:
PA

2008-06-10T04:53:00.004+08:00

Michael: You threw away your flowers.
Sara: Yeah, like I said, they don't last.
Michael: I don't think they're dead yet.
Sara: I don't like getting attached to things if I know they won't last.
Michael: Why are you so cynical?
Sara: Michael I think there's cynicism, and then there's realism.
Michael: And there's optimism. Hope. Faith.
Sara: This coming from an eight-toed guy locked away in a penitentiary...
Michael: Toes are overrated. (Smiles)
Sara: Michael thanks for trying to make me smile... Not today.
Michael: You never know.
Sara: We're all set. (Turns to fill in a report but finds an origami flower. Smiles.)

- Prison Break, Season One

I get the hype. :)

Now I'm thinking whether I should name my son Michael, Scofield, or Michael Scofield? HAHAHA.

2008-06-07T05:09:00.011+08:00

THERE ARE

NO

HOPELESS

SITUATIONS;

ONLY

PEOPLE

WHO HAVE

GROWN

HOPELESS.

2008-06-02T05:21:00.003+08:00

(this is from wikipedia but looks EXACTLY LIKE MINE!)

I pulled out my wisdom tooth.

They form between the age of 17 and 25, and I suppose as the name suggests you'd have garnered enough wisdom to evoke their magical growth.

Hell it has been one tough year and I think I've learned all the wise things I possibly could to promote this ostentatious tooth of mine that grew so towards the front of my mouth I had ulcers and couldn't even close my mouth. I struggled for 2 days and nights in pain thinking whether I really would have to let it go. Yes, it's inevitable, but there is a foolish part of me called 'Idealistic Debbie', and whatever she says goes man. She says I'm going to keep all four of my wisdom teeth cos they're gonna grow perfectly well, and I just completely believe her. She says this is love, she says this is good, she says... Yes, yes and yes.

I almost fainted when I saw the Dentist take out the pliars but I must say he did an excellent job. I have the disgusting tooth- HELL YEAH I'M GONNA KEEP IT!

The Dentist said that probably I'll have to take out the rest cos the x-ray shows that they are growing so rebelliously (wow, where did they get their genes from?). When you're confronted with the x-ray you really have no choice but to open your mouth to self-impose torture. Shit, it really grew so badly my untrained eye can tell.. that tooth's not where it's supp to be.

I guess I am a very wise woman indeed.

I've learnt:

Your imagined pain is always greater than the actual pain.

There my next wisdom tooth. Just grew a bit more.

I've learnt:

Manage your expectations.

If you set them too high you'll be disappointed. If you set them too low you'll compromise. Sounds like common sense right? But so fucking hard to learn.

Okay, any smarter and I'm going for my next extraction.

I love my family and I love my friends. I couldn't have asked to be born to know better people, although they may have pained me, everything and everyone has fallen into place for me to learn exactly what I need to know.

I am at peace.

張敬軒 - 吻得太逼真 (Music Video)

2008-05-27T01:22:00.001+08:00

2008-05-20T05:35:00.014+08:00

Someone always remembers you.
You are never as alone as you think you are.
Someone is glad that you are alive everyday.

Someone always thinks this way about you:

You are good-looking.
You are smart.
There is nothing about yourself you need to change.

It doesn't matter what mistakes you have made
or are making.
You have the potential.
You can turn your life around.

You are good enough.
You deserve the best.
You should never compromise for what you don't deserve.

Don't lose faith in yourself.
Don't let yourself down.
Never limit yourself.

Don't care for what
someone who doesn't love you
think about you.

The people who love you
know best about you
And this is how they will always think of you.

Four Weddings and a Funeral

2008-05-19T05:20:00.003+08:00

W. H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

What If God Was One of Us

2008-05-18T06:50:00.002+08:00

Someday maybe we’ll understand
How the universe works and why
If there is a God how He works and if
He really loves us at all for all the pain
To be worth it

Someday maybe we’ll have a taste
Of what life should be like if
There are no tears on this world
And someday maybe we’ll just glance
Into what perfection could be like
True kindness, true love, true patience

Sometimes I miss the idea of what it could be
I know how it will always have been but what if

If we could do it all differently
Would we? Could we?

I miss the purity that I was taught
Exists in every person
I miss the idea that everyone is actually good
That everyone could be capable of love
I miss how it would have been
If everything we wanted to believe in if
It really existed

It’s all in my mind
They’re just pretty ideals
Fragile like porcelain
And it’s fast vanishing away
I’m afraid it’s slipping too fast

Your warmth hasn’t left my body
And it’s slipping too fast
And it’s plummeting to death

I miss the moment I thought that
You loved me too

But it just passed.

Mistaken by Marie Digby

2008-05-18T04:11:00.002+08:00

2008-04-30T12:15:00.002+08:00

How many times can we kill ourselves
How many times can this grave be dug
And buried and dug and buried
And how many times can this wound
Bleed open and rip open and crustily healing
Rip apart once more rubbing salt into your heart
Shatter glass into your eyes and mind
Cut yourself to a point of no recovery
And then wish and hope that it will heal
And spend forever pining for when
It didn’t hurt
It didn’t have to but now it does
And now it will never cease
We’re cruel, we are we secretly love this
Game of pushing each other off the edge
And when we are through, when we are
We think we’ll be happy just before I push
Your fingers off the edge I’ll rescue you and
We’ll do this dance of death several times until
We’re too exhausted to pretend we love
We hate we need we live we expect we consider
We breathe we are sustained we perish we revive
Each other

2008-04-02T07:57:00.003+08:00

3 a.m. Phone Calls: The White House Transcripts

from VF.com

David Friend

The White House today released selected transcripts from several late night and early morning telephone conversations logged by various U.S. presidents between 1962 and 2008.

May 19, 1962, 3 a.m.
M. Monroe: “Happy Birthday, Mr. President.”
President Kennedy: “What … what time is it …?”
MM: (Soft cooing)
JFK: “… Marilyn?”
MM: “It’s three in the morning, and it’s your birthday, Mr. President.”
JFK: “Three in the morning?! You at the Mayflower again?”
MM: “(Breathlessly) Yes. (Whispering) Room 817.”
JFK: “No, no … You come here this time. I’ll send a car …”
MM: (Cooing continues … Unintelligible.)

April 17, 1973, 3:20 a.m.
President Nixon: “Bob, can you hear me?”
H. R. Haldeman: “(Fumbling for receiver. Expletive.) Hello?”
RMN: “That y-you, Bob?”
HRH: “Mr. President? Yes, Haldeman here.”
RMN: “Is this line s-safe?”
HRH: “Should be, yes. You all right, Mr. President? Your voice is a little slurry.”
RMN: “You called me, Bob. S’everything all right?”
HRH: “Sir, I was sound asleep. I think the call came from … Excuse me, sir, but are you okay?”
RMN: “Bob, you’re going to tell them that … the, uh … that I didn’t know about the break-in before the break-in, did I?”
HRH: “Correct, Mr. President. You did not, sir. You did not have fore-knowledge of the break-in at the Watergate.”
RMN: “That’ssss cor-rect, yessir-ee.”
HRH: “Absolutely.”
RMN: “Thanks, Bob. Remember that. Now get some, get some rest now, will you? Bottoms up, Bob-o, and see you in the morning.”

October 30, 1974, 10:30 p.m.
President Ford: [After misdialing and getting a Domino’s Pizza parlor, the president connects to his Soviet counterpart]
Leonid Brezhnev: “Da?”
GRF: “My apologies, Leonid, Gerry Ford here …”
LB: “[Russian expletive deleted.] It is middle of night! It is night time!”
GRF: “Sorry, sorry, really, I always get the time zones reversed. And I meant to call you on the black phone …”

May 12, 1986, 12:20 a.m.
Ronald Wilson Reagan to Secret Service agent S. Griswold: “Steve?”
SG: “Yes, sir.”
RWR: “Have all the West Coast games ended by now? I know the Angels-Red Sox were in extra innings.”
SG: “They were, sir. Shall I connect you?”
RWR: “Fine, please.”
Sports Phone Announcer: “This is Tris Scott for Sports Phone. For the current Major League baseball scores, press ‘One’ now …”

August 4, 1996, 3 a.m.
President Clinton: “Hey, babe …”
M. Lewinsky: “Hey, Mr. President.”
WJC: “Sorry, but we’ve only got a coupla minutes. Hillary’s expecting her 3:15 from Kofi Annan. I gotta leave the line open … So we gotta talk, y’know, softly.”
ML: “You want me ta go first?”
WJC: “(Laughing) Yeah. You go, girl.”
ML: “(Moaning) Oh, that nasty [unintelligible]…”
WJC: “(Heavy panting.)”

January 14, 2002, 2 a.m.
President George W. Bush: “Guggg, glugggg, hhhhh …”
White House operator: “Mr. President?”
GWB: “Uh-huh. Hhhhh … (Choking sounds)”
Operator: “Is it those pretzels again, sir? The doctor’s on call. I’ll get him to come up there at once. Please stay on the line. But please take a drink of water first.”
GWB: “(Drinking sounds)”
Operator: “That better?”
GWB: “Better, better …”
Operator: “Glad to hear it. The doctor’s on his way.”
GWB: "(Raspy) Thanks."

-

damn hilarious lah. moral of the story. you can be a president...

but still have an affair with a famous actress (who doesn't seem v sound. was the word "unintelligable" used to describe marilyn's words? why's she COOING?), or how about your white house intern (while telling her about your wife's plans), conspire that you didn't conspire (i meant, break-in before break-in), have the extremely urgent agenda way over national priorities of checking the scores of baseball matches AND still find the time to be a total fucking idiot.

let's all run for presidency!

2008-03-28T03:28:00.007+08:00

I know there's a place where it goes
Lost memories, conversations and persons
If not how could it with all your love,
even bear to depart with empty smiles?

The last time we spoke
The last time I felt loved
The last time we were happy
The last time there was peace
The last time it seemed like the world had to stop spinning
Because our friendship was too perfect for it to take
The witty lines exchanged, the knowing looks
How could it bear to leave us for desolateness

They're like floating figures
In a garden of mists so ephemeral
Swirling, so pretty

Like the last time I held your heart in my hand
I couldn't have left it behind me just like that
It must have gone to some paradise
If not how could it have mustered the courage to leave me
Knowing how wrecked I'd be without it
Like the last time you made me smile and laugh
And comforted me with beautiful words
It must have fleeted away into the crack hole of time
Into this stunning acre beyond darkness and blemish
If not how could it have gripped its fingers off me
And even contemplate leaving?

I wish I could have done everything you wanted
I wish I could have been more for you and the ghost of us

If we danced into this lovely garden
Would we be greeted by our smiling selves
And they'd say, "What took you so long?
It was so easy to come, so easy to come."

We just didn't have the chance
To find out who we were before we gave it all away.
We didn't lose ourselves, we didn't change
We just brought them to somewhere lovelier
Before any of this mess could begin.

No point wishing over every little thing.
There is nothing left, so nothing to give up
Salvation?
It's when you realize it's too late for change.

2008-03-09T06:12:00.004+08:00

When I get bored-

I secretly imagine my funeral.

I imagine how it'll look like, who will be crying badly, who will be there, who will be huddling together, and what people will say about me.

I know who won't show up and who it wouldn't make a difference even if they did.

I think about the people I may seriously consider haunting when I die.

I also think I know what my mother will say when I'm gone. (I always imagine I die before her. Because it's really important that she regret some things. I mean some..)

When I get to this part of my funeral, I imagine if it was her funeral instead, and wonder if I will really regret some things. I mean some..

Somebody said, the greatest irony of life is that nobody gets out of it alive. Yes so true, so why do we have to make life hell for the rest of us who aren't there yet?!

I imagine if I killed myself, what I would write in my suicide note.

When I get to this in my mind, I realise I can't kill myself. (Not that I terribly want to. But if I had to.)

I don't have anything poetic to say about my life! Shit.

And there goes my bus stop, and now I have to wake up and walk all the way backwards.

God, I can be so weird. I don't make a concious effort, it just creeps up. I wonder what else people think about on the bus.

Chasing Pavements- Adele

2008-02-18T05:03:00.001+08:00

The sweetest thing

2008-02-03T00:06:00.000+08:00

OMG LAH.

SWEET!

About 3 months ago, a boy met the girl of his dreams in a subway in New York. Before he had the chance to talk to her, the doors slid open and the incoming crowd separated them- but not forever.

Patrick, a web designer, promptly set up a website imploring New York to find the dream girl for him at www.NYGirlOfMyDreams.com He drew a detailed picture of her with what kind of clothes she was wearing, how she wore her hair and what she was doing. (He talked about how he felt here.)

Just 2 days, cranks and misses later, and Patrick received an email from the girl's friend. (More of her pictures here.)

So they met.

The media picked it up and they even did an interview for Good Morning America, ABC News. (Which you can watch here.)

It turned out that the girl, "AUSTRALIAN Camille Hayton says she usually avoids the New York subway, but after her home burned down she was forced on to Manhattan's No 5 train so she could spend the night on a friend's couch." (news.com.au)

So how will it end? Well, there's no more updates to the site as it states that this is to their "best interests"!

So sweet. If it warrants a nation-wide search for you, he must really be crazy over you. I think the newest place to meet singles is in PUBLIC TRANSPORT.

I had a guy who asked me for my number on the bus once. That's tacky, scary or maybe bordering on stalkerish- depending on how the girl interprets it. The thing is, setting up a website could never be sweeter, and more unobtrusive. It's like he's too shy to intrude upon her personal space and privacy and yet passionate enough to declare it to the world wide web of strangers based a single glance.

It's the modern fairytale. Wonder if it'll work out?? It's lucky enough that he did find her in a crowded city of more than 8 million people. So maybe...

2008-01-27T18:11:00.002+08:00

you don't know me, you don't wear my chains

Augustana- Boston

2008-01-26T03:08:00.000+08:00

This is me.
And my secrets
We're joinedatthehipundividable.
It’ll break me and it’ll tear me down
It’s that flickering light on the dark corridor
That haunts you when you walk through
You love it and you romanticise it
And it’ll be like tar around your soul
It’ll piece you back and it’ll harden you
It’ll corrode and rust you and then
Shimmering shining it’ll polish you
It’ll sing and shatter you it
Will be like an endless song that
Once you loved and now runs incessantly in a loop
Cuff you to it’s body where it emits warmth and cold
Cold breaths down your lungs and
Rip your guts and then your heart.
out and make you cry
Oh, it’ll make you weep like a sorry baby
And then it’ll caress you gently, tenderly
With a closeness and intimacy none can match
And you love it and you hate it
And it is what makes you lack and what builds you up
Oh, it’ll make you moan and pick you up
Edify and destroy
Fondly slip it’s noose around your flesh
Addict and repulse you
Shut you and embrace you
Oh, it’ll find you
It'll consume you and be you
You can’t hate yourself, can you?
Oh, but you do,
and then maybe you don’t.
Truth cuts too cleanly
Too pristine to cherish
You’re adulterated but then again,
You’re whole.

-

From PostSecret

I actually had these stickers.

I threw them yesterday.

2008-01-18T01:59:00.000+08:00

My pills are VERY PRETTY.

They comfort me.

Here's to the people who save my life

2008-01-17T02:49:00.000+08:00

I don't always see them; I don't always know what goes on in their lives.

They have given me some of the BEST times of my life and have been there for my worst. They have been there from primary school, the Girls' Brigade I HATED, chasing ENERGY and F4, first time I put make-up or dressed up, first job, first relationship, and my dreams and despair for 10 years plus.

I think they are gorgeous, talented, unique and will be HUGE SUCCESSES in life.

I will love these girls forever.

2008-01-11T08:01:00.000+08:00

From PostSecret

There is a catharsis from reading other people's secrets. I think it feels amazing that somebody out there feels the same way you do, and you don't have to tell a soul your secret to feel the connection in return.

2008-01-09T00:26:00.000+08:00

ColorQuiz.com
from Isabel's blog. wah, damn true.

Debbie's Existing Situation

Readily participates in things that provide excitement or stimulation. Wants to feel exhilarated.

Debbie's Stress Sources

Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and to bridge the gap which she feels separates herself from others. Anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to explore all its possibilities, and to live it to the fullest. She therefore resents any restriction or limitation being imposed on her and insists on being free and unhampered.

Debbie's Restrained Characteristics
Feels that she cannot do much about her existing problems and difficulties and that she must make the best of things as they are. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.

Debbie's Desired Objective

Hopes that ties of affection and good-fellowship will bring release and contentment. Her own need for approval makes her ready to be of help to others and in exchange she wants warmth and understanding. Open to new ideas and possibilities which she hopes will prove fruitful and interesting.

Debbie's Actual Problem

Feels restricted and prevented from progressing; seeking a solution which will remove these limitations.

Debbie's Actual Problem #2

The fear that she may be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her into a relentless search for satisfaction in the pursuit of illusory or meaningless activities.

Does anyone else find this funny?

2007-12-12T09:21:00.000+08:00

I showed this to Colin and he totally doesn't think it's funny. well, I think it is!!

-

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, “What are you doing?”

She answers, “I’m moving to Sydney . I heard prostitutes there get
paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free.”

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her
husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he’s going, he replies, “I’m coming too, I
want to see how you live on $800 a year”.

-

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver’s door.

“Is there a problem Officer?”

The policeman says, “Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?”

The driver responds, “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”

“You don’t have one?”

The man responds, “I lost it four times for drink driving.”

The policeman is shocked. “I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

The policeman says, “Why not?”

“I stole this car.”

The officer says, “Stole it?”

The man says, “Yes, and I killed the owner.”

At this point the officer is getting stressed. “You what!?”

“She’s in the trunk if you want to see.”

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

The senior officer says “Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!”

The man steps out of his vehicle. “Is there a problem Officer?”

The officer responds, “Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?”

The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but a spare tire.

The officer says, “Is this your car sir?”

The man says “Yes,” and hands over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned.

“One of my officers claims that you do not have a drivers license.” The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer.

The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. “Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner.”

The man replies, “I bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!”

From here.

-

I love Top 10's. Top 10's of 2007 here.

88-year-old woman comes out as lesbian

2007-12-08T04:11:00.000+08:00

She's 88-years-old. Finally, after more than 4 decades of hiding a secret nobody (even her closest friends or family) knew, she decided to expose the skeletons in her closet- she's lesbian; has always been.

I think it's so riveting that an 88-year-old woman, someone whom we'd stereotype as conservative and backwards, actually hunched in the shadows with such an appalling shrouded life which is more relevant to our generation today than we'd expect from a woman her age. Like imagine your ah po coming out as les?

That's how long homosexuality has been skirting the borders of our society's moral compass.

I tried to find the original Newsweek article, but couldn't. So, an alternative here.

You won't believe how I came across this article. I was surfing Pink Is The New Blog and Jodie Foster has publicly acknowledged her alleged lesbian partner for the first time. They have two kids together.

More here.

-

After watching The Golden Compass with Rei and Seph, I decided to check out WHAT MY DAEMON IS.

I had verrryyy high expectations. My Daemon should be like me, so the most important trait is that it has to be CUTE. So, I was hoping for a mouse, a ferret, or anything that's furry and adorable.

You know what I got???

I got a CHIMPANZEE. OMG!! HOW CAN MY DAEMON BE A CHIMPANZEE??!! I'm cuter than that! Ew, I don't want Singapore Zoo's Ah Meng as my soul lah.

Faith's was a lion!

I'm disappointed.

Here, try for yours. Click on 'Daemon' on one of the tabs. It even comes with a name. Let's hope yours looks good.

-

What is it about men playing musical instruments and singing that's so hot?

Jon Mclaughlin - Beautiful Disaster

She swears that there's no difference,
Between the lies and complements.
It's all the same if everybody leaves her.

She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant,
Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.

She doesn't want to feel this way,

only seventeen but tired.

Such a moving song! I don't believe a girl exists who doesn't identify with it.

Bad kissing = End of relationship

2007-12-05T02:43:00.000+08:00

From a short article by CNN.

"At the moment of the kiss, there's a very complicated exchange of information ... that may tap into underlying evolved mechanisms" cluing us in on whether we're genetically compatible, explains Gordon Gallup, co-author of the study and professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Albany.

Interesting facts:
- Bad kissing can doom relationships
- Men kiss to get sexual access
- Women kiss as mate-assessment technique
- Men are more willing to have sex with someone without kissing
- and have sex with someone they are not attracted to / consider a bad kisser.

Read here.

Next time, just kiss on your first date.

Enchanted by McDreamy

I am a sucker for Fairy tales and Enchanted really knocked the wind out of me with this scene. Swoons. Who would go for Prince Charming when there's McDreamy?

I'm gonna find the time to rent all the other Disney classics. I'm such a fan, I can name all the Disney princesses with their first names. In the meantime, 'So Close' by Jon McLaughlin (I will send you the song!) is on replay on my computer.

There is something so alluring about Fairy tales. Totally appeals to the idealist in me. It's unrealistic, ethereal, intangible, but yeah heck, "Dreams do come true", Giselle says with wide-eyed belief. Who are we to question the woman who leaps out from a techni-colour cartoon, can command animals of the forest and bursts into catchy, inspirational feel-good songs while the whole of Central Park leaps in tandem?

If you watch the movie closely, there's a few things to note:
-Julie Andrews is the narrator. And there's a scene where Giselle flings her arms wide onto an open field, à la 'The Sound of Music'
-The pizza parlor was from 'Lady and the Tramp'
More here.

And there are the obvious allegories of Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and The Little Mermaid that every Disney fan must notice:

I do, I do, I do believe in fairies! Sssh, don't say you don't, don't you know a fairy dies every time somebody says that? (Peter Pan; of course!)

Debbie is a very happy girl.

Dying 47-Year-Old Professor Gives Exuberant ‘Last Lecture’

2007-11-24T03:47:00.000+08:00

WATCH THIS.

I stayed up the whole night to watch the last lecture of Randy Pausch click here.

You can read about him in BusinessWeek.

He is an amazing speaker, and you wouldn't know it, but he is dying of cancer in about 4 months from now? The irony is that he is so close to death yet more alive than people like you or I. It's amazing how much we take for granted.

He is a Professor at Carnegie-Mellon University in Pittsburgh. Watching him speak there were moments I forgot he even had cancer. He speaks with the enthusiasm of a teenager, with a dry self-deprecating and witty humour. He talks about how to reach for your dreams- childhood dreams, enabling the dreams of others, and how to live your life.

You can listen to a preacher, and not get the same inspiration. And whereas you may suspect the intentions of a preacher for wanting your conversion, this man does not have any agenda other than to impart words of wisdom. What does he have to lose? Everything, and nothing.

-
Another video.

MDA Senior Management Rap Video

I know everyone's seen it! Still think it's damn funny and embarrassing. WHY did a respectable government body do this to themselves... It's so painful to watch. Ouch. I SO feel for them. Ah.. I think it's a bit of a stretch to try and relate. The Michael Yap guy is the best right?

-

Random.

I'm sorry for my emo lashes. Have to stop being so sensitive and emotional, it's killing me and I'm hurting the ones I love most.

2007-11-21T05:39:00.001+08:00

What if for every word you know the correct meaning of, you give free rice to starving nations?

freerice.com

Guess what's the meaning of PORCINE? :)

2007-11-07T20:06:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, there is this period in your life when you feel abandoned. Sometimes you embrace it, because it is intimate in a sort of way, darkness romanticized for you to tolerate it. Apathy is nothing more than knowing that everything transcends, and no emotion or circumstance will not lift eventually. Either you leave it, or wait it out long enough and it will leave you. Maybe you die, and that is the release. So you look on ahead in your life with apathy, that is shunned because people think that you have no more compassion and are entirely self-centered- but how can that be when it's apathy for yourself? So you move on every day, through the minutes and hours, carrying the child of apathy around. We are a walking tide of people who rise and fall, rise and fall, and eventually ebb away into nothingness. Life is as it is- a long walk through the desert. You feel forsaken; you are forsaken. Was there anyone watching whether you would trip in the first place? How is it you ran forward and never looked back to think if anyone would catch you from behind? But you ran with willful rebellion, and you hit the rock and fell. Now you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, and there is no difference between left and right, looking on ahead with dryness, looking behind with nostalgia.

Someday it will lift.

2007-10-30T04:40:00.001+08:00

I'm feeling so emo right now. Sigh. This is a bad day, and I'll be lying if I said that I'm not dwelling upon it. But whatever about it.. it always cheers me up when I read really sad poetry because it reminds me that

1. someone has felt this way before
2. that was someone reallyy long time ago

for my emo-ness today, I present:

The Hollow Men by T. S. Eliot

I'm only putting a part of it cos i don't want to bore people to death. For the whole thing, click here .

"

V

Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow

For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow

Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow

For Thine is the Kingdom

For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

"

I wish I could marry a poet and he'd read me poems every time I was sad. I think that's sooo romantic. *swoons* All we'd have is fancy philosophical nonsensical talk, and we'd pretend we're so deep and wayy over this superficial world. We'll just have meaningful conversations and passionate love.

But ah wells. They don't exist.

I also like Psalm 22 when I'm emo. Here .

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

Very famous lines.

-

I love my Dad. LOVE. Every time I forget how much I love my Dad, I'll be dragged to supper with him. I think it's meant to be.

It's very comforting to be a daughter, because you know your Father will always support you. Whenever you think that you are alone, it's nice to know that your Dad will be there (albeit naggingly) to tell you about life and to say "it's okay". Even though he does majorly irritate me, and his method of love is sometimes zany to say the least... not to mention his allowance scheme. But ah, less all that, I only have one Dad so I think he's the best.

My Dad is like a 'quotes' machine. He'll just blurt quotes out every now and then. And he recycles his jokes. Like this one:

"My friend told me his friend passed away. He said that the guy was veryy lucky."

"Why?"

"Because an actress just passed away and he is buried beside her."

*cracks out into laughter*

Sigh. I've heard this a hundred times.

Today's quote of the day from Mr Ng, "Your mother can never be slighted. Remember that for the rest of your life."

Why can't I just be ten and just let my Dad take care of of me forever? I sometimes wish I don't ever have to grow up, get hurt, get disappointed, work, grow old, have kids, and die.

I get nostalgic when I remember how my Dad used to fry fish fingers and make French toast for my sisters and I. Or how he can only ever draw stick figures. I miss my childhood already.

Reminds me of a story I read recently, Sula by Toni Morrison. How a son was living his life with such decadence, his mother described him opening up her legs and climbing back into her womb.

Disgusting, right? It totally repulsed me. But I understand the temptation to do that- to suck your thumb sometimes. But. It stops there.

2007-10-26T04:29:00.000+08:00

Cannot sleep lah. And guess what I found! Old photos. So cute... brings back memories.

Well anyway...

You know what they say about children.

They all start out so small.

And they grow...

And they grow...

And they grow...

And before you know it

20 years is over in the blink of an eye.

I can't imagine the 5-year-old me would have been the me today.

Oh baby baby, it's a wild world...

p/s: Can you tell Faith and I apart?

2007-10-16T04:46:00.001+08:00

I just find it so strange to be born into this age. Everything is permissible. Whether or not it's profitable, I think the best human thing to do is just let everybody do their thing. I understand the whole theory that you can't have total freedom, that's total chaos. But restrained freedom can be practiced. A basic human need- Isn't it to do what you want with whom you want, if it doesn't hurt anybody?

Anyway, I just finished 'Blue like Jazz' by Donald Miller with some insistence from my twin. It is a best-seller.

An excerpt which totally hit my heart:

"The real issue in the Christian community was that it (love) was conditional. You were loved, but if you had questions, questions about whether the Bible was true or whether America was a good country or whether last week's sermon was good, you were not so loved. You were loved in word, but there was, without question, a social commodity that was being withheld from you until you shaped up. By toeing the party line you earned social dollars; by being yourself you did not. If you wanted to be valued, you became a clone. These are broad generalizations, and they are unfair, but this is what I was thinking at the time. Bear with me, and I will tell you what I learned. ...

The problem with Christian community was that we had ethics, we had rules and laws and principles to judge each other against. There was love in Christian community, but it was conditional love. Sure, we called it unconditional, but it wasn't. There were bad people in the world and good people in the world. We were raised to believe this... Christianity was always right; we were always looking down on everybody else. And I hated this. I hated it with a passion. Everything in my soul told me it was wrong. It felt, to me, as wrong as sin. ...

The problem with Christian culture is we think of love as a commodity. We use it like money. ...If somebody is doing something for us, offering us something, be it gifts, time, popularity, or what have you, we feel they have value, we feel they are worth something to us, and perhaps, we feel they are priceless. I could see it so clearly, I could feel it in the pages of my life. This was the thing that had smelled so rotten all these years. I used love like money. The church used love like money. With love, we withheld affirmation from the people who did not agree with us, but we lavishly financed the ones that did."

Thank God for honesty.

2007-10-12T05:24:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I just feel like saying “FUCK YOU” to everything and everyone I dislike, without having to go on with the pretence that “it’s okay” and continue the masquerade of politeness or not being affected. Some fantasies of mine…
1. Saying “FUCK YOU” to everyone who thinks that by going to church they are better people.
2. Fuckers who evangelise to strangers. Religion is a choice, not indoctrination.
3. People who can always think of something to criticise about everyone else, and never themselves.
4. People who tell me what to do with my life without me asking for it. Well, who do you think you are? Living your life good enough to dictate others? Here’s one for you, fuck off.
5. PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY KNOW ME SO FUCKING WELL. Someone told me “DEBBIE WOULDN’T HAVE SAID THAT”. I ALREADY FUCKING DID. Shut the fuck up, and get the fuck out of my life.
6. People who are plain rude. This includes not having basic manners, and several things which I think are just basic courtesy…
7. People who think they are very “SOCIALBLE” when in fact nobody likes them, and they are so fucking deluded.
8. People who think the world revolves around them, and every sad or happy thing with them in it, let's talk about "me and me and oh, me, me, me and me??" and get so fucking self-piteous when things don't go their way. Everybody's life is hard in some way. Wake up and smell the coffee!
9. Fake friends. You know them and you have them. It’s not as if you’re so close… quit pretending.
10. Parents who don’t do their job properly, and expect to get the respect they think they deserve. It should be “We’re learning together” and not “Everything I do and say is right”.
11. Office bitches who pretend to be nice. AND BOSSES who think that just because they are balding, pot-bellied and relying on viagra they have the right to worship themselves and their ideas. Fuck off.

2007-10-05T05:00:00.001+08:00

Whoever said hiding behind the keyboard makes people much braver was wrong.

It takes more courage to face the world every morning...

and to decide to leave the damn cosy bed and addictive computer. I am hooked on facebook! shit. I do my virtual room religiously, but not my bed. I don't even go in to read or write comments, just to buy new items to add. HAHAHA.

It's so hard to be honest these days. You can't even be truthful online, where you'd think you can hide behind a mask of anonymity because even the www is getting closer to the truth. We know you're a couch potato, or a bloody nerd now because of your bespectacled profile. We also know if you're ugly. Oh, and the clique you hang out with. What you read, what music you like, what conversation you'd likely make. It's strange to be born in this techno-savvy age.

This is a random post to buy me time away from my marketing textbook.

I am not checking my facebook account.. reallyy...

Skins - Wild World

2007-10-03T00:47:00.001+08:00

2007-09-30T00:03:00.000+08:00

Some things just happen too late
Your affections are delayed
Should have said a few words earlier
But too late
Should have refrained from speaking
Too late
Should have never made the decisions
Too late
Should have realised you can’t stand alone
Too late
Shouldn’t have taken the burden upon yourself
And bravely shouldered it for the sake of pride
Take the shovel and dig into the ground
For a place to rest yourself
It’s too late to fix things
The love is lost
It’s too late to say sorry
The silence is too loud
It’s too late to renew the world
It’s too tired to change
It needs a more destructive start
It needs more blood
It’s too late to realise
Shouldn’t have touched
Shouldn’t have delved into intimacy
Shouldn’t have cut a portion of your flesh away
And pretend it wasn’t ever there
Shouldn’t have let the wounds open up and infest
The innocence you seem to have had
Well, it’s too late
The sky has darkened
The cut has been served
You’ve put your heart up for sale
And got it torn into pieces
This is a world that cannot help
Tainting and wrecking every good thing
You loved

2007-09-22T04:03:00.000+08:00

Wah, I always heard Dawn Yang www.dawnyang.com had plastic surgery and was curious to see how she looked like before, especially since Kexin's blog post about 200 pounds beauty...

i found a really good site:

http://gssq.blogspot.com/2005/11/blogging-her-way-to-instant-fame-her.html

has quite a convincing post but all this is still just alleged as she's never admitted...

but seriously, it's hard not to believe when you see this:

Well, this is from wikipedia:

"She is an alumna of elite schools Singapore Chinese Girls' School and Raffles Junior College, as well as a scholarship holder to Marymount Community College and University of Southern California in the United States. "

My gawwwsh you know. The smart kids these days.

I just came away from a disturbing movie called SAVAGE GRACE, and I'm too lazy to find the pictures. It's an amazing film of a true story with themes like incest, homosexuality, dysfunctional families, and in part contributed by the decadent lifestyle of the rich that can be an abyss of immorality. The story revolves around the Baekelands, who are descendents from Leo Baekeland, the "Father of Plastics". How rich the family became when the world we know today is made of plastics. They had intelligence, movie-star good looks, and money. With so much, and nothing to live for a family disintegrates into nothing.

Some site said that the very rich children have the same symptoms as the very poor- the lack of borders, aimless or wastrel lives because of the lack of parental love/guidance and a sense of belonging. The very rich may have mansions all over the world, but they may also have nothing to work for and live practically like vagabonds, seemingly belonging everywhere but really having nowhere to go.

The contradiction with money- Having too much is a problem too.

2007-09-21T05:17:00.003+08:00

I just finished a book that I've been carrying around but didn't know would be so compelling.

Just to be the good diligent girl and write my book review:

UGLY by Constance Briscoe is the true account of the abusive and horrific childhood of one of the first black women to sit as a judge in the UK.

For 3/4 of the book you read with no clue about who or how intelligent this woman actually is. All you have is the simple viewpoint of a child who wants nothing more than to survive the days and keep out of the way of her erratic, ruthless mother. The language is casual, conversational, and not bombastic, so unless told you don't have the impression that she is a judge. The book doesn't have a picture of the author, and all you have is an image of a small black girl bowing her head on her knees with arms folded in despair. I guess it's appropriate because that's who she started out as- a nobody.

It's not easy to digest chapters of violence and abuse, dished out so coolly, but there is her voice of nonchalant innocence and strength that is just so misplaced in such distressing circumstances. She meets every act of malevolence with the steel-like resolution and overcomes it just like that.

It's an inducing read because you just want to know how she survives it all- or even if she does.

And of course, she lives to tell the story.

When I reached the end of the book my first inclination was to find out how she actually looks like. All along, the mental picture in my mind was an ugly, skinny girl with lots of scars.

So imagine my surprise:

In the sequel to the book she visits a plastic surgeon, so maybe she's had some work done. But still. She does look beautiful.

2007-09-20T01:24:00.000+08:00

KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

That's the theme of 'Meet the Robinsons', that I watched on the airplane a few months back. I love the show. It's the best animation I've ever watched, and I can remember every scene. I don't understand the fascination with Finding Nemo, just some lost fish lah. Nothing beats THIS ONE. So cute, fresh, inspiring and memorable. And I've got those 3 words stuck in my head since then.

I have a thing for pictures, movies and songs that keeps urging you to MOVE ON. That inspires without being too emo, like the chinese word 'sa tuo'. Like Move Along by The All American Rejects. I think it's because I have a tendency to wallow in self-pity a lot. I get nostalgic about things that happened, things I could have made better, but somehow what I have now and will have in the future will always be better. Don't ask me why, but it's a track record and pattern. I totally believe the adage that everything gets better as time passes.

Wounds heal, you mature, things that don't last fall away, even friends get closer, and you become a better person. You'll always be a better person than the 'you' 6 months ago, 3 years ago, etc'.

The darkest hour comes just before the dawn and by then you'd have already evolved. We are much more brilliant than we know.

2007-09-18T02:38:00.000+08:00

MY HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE WITH TAXI-DRIVERS

I remember when I was in primary school, and PLMGPS is only a drive less than 5 mins away. Seeing how small and puny this primary schoolgirl is, the uncle drove for close to 15 mins and when I saw the meter I was shocked. But since I didn't know what to say, I paid for it.

I don't know why I have the face that says "I can be scammed!". I mean, it's true that I don't know my roads well but at the very least I can tell when it's overpriced.

And I just came home after this "£$"£%" taxi-driver tried to scam me AGAIN. Every time I take the cab from Rangoon Road, which is Kevin's place, and I tell the uncle to go by Serangoon Road, the uncles will then go to Serangoon Central, and then Serangoon North. It's really a straightforward drive all the way. Tonight the uncle decided he wanted an excursion along Kovan and Hougang too!

Thanks to my daydreaming mode, I only realised too late when he made a turn off course and we were in Hougang, "Uncle, where you going?"

"You never tell me you want to go by Serangoon Central. You only say go by Serangoon Road. From there can exit here also."

"...."

When I reached home the meter was already well over $20+. I was already on the phone since Hougang complaining to Kevin how ridiculous this uncle was, and he still didn't catch the hint. I had been hoping I didn't have to voice it so directly. Some uncles feel paiseh and then they'll cut the fare for you. This one still expected me to pay. I told him, "Uncle I only have $12."

Wah, then he started blaming me for not paying the full fare. Okay lah, I know I'm even underpaying him by about $3 to be exact- but is it my fault that he wanted to try to scam me? I don't understand, it's my house area, why would he think that he'll know it better?

After arguing with the Uncle for like 10mins non-stop about the roads, I decided to just leave the $12 there and get out. After which, he started cursing and shouting at me saying that he is 'unlucky'. Seriously, who is the unlucky one? When that didn't work he started threatening me. "Be careful" lah, etc. I was like, better run upstairs.

When I reached the lift lobby I was still thinking if I should crouch down and walk so he can't see which floor I live in. I mean, his tone was really quite scary. Now I can still feel the adrenaline rush. I seriously wonder if he'll do anything. But then again, all quite a silly small matter right?

2007-09-15T03:14:00.000+08:00

“For better or for worse, we are human.”

It’s not an excessively fabulous movie, but somehow ‘The Invasion’ starring Nicole Kidman is still stuck in my head. I’m not attracted to the mother-son storyline, rather the chilling truth that what makes us human is what makes us both brutal and kind. You can’t do away with one without killing the other, they are inexplicably inseparable. You can’t kill emotions because obliterating the bad destroys every other good thing that comes along with it.

You can’t expect a perfect humanity because humanity alone cannot be humanity without its atrocities and it’s inclination to make mistakes, deliberately or accidental.

So you see it makes me think of how funny it is that we judge people when we all have that duo nature of good and bad. Do we have the right? it’s like a group of monkeys grouping together deliberating how to treat another monkey who’s gone against rules they all sat together and decided was the ‘right’, ‘ethical’ or ‘religious’ thing to do. The same judge, the same jury, the same passer-by, all could have done the same thing as the accused when put in that position. They’re all monkeys, all equally vulnerable in the same ways.

We could have been born with another skin colour, another set of beliefs, another sex, another personality type, been fat, scrawny, pimply, gay. We could have been in a position where we felt the best thing to do was steal, abuse, or something stupid. But we never think to put ourselves in another’s shoes. We never look beyond our first impulse or the popular gossip or our own noses. We all tend to want to feel we’re better off, and a million insecurities, deep-seated emotions fight our consciousness to the choices of discriminajavascript:void(0)
Publish Posttion, hurt and hostility we make.

But if we took away all emotions- wouldn’t that solve the problem?

Oh wait, then we wouldn’t be human.

Spider Pig - the simpsons homer

2007-09-02T22:13:00.001+08:00

HAHAHA. must hear the silly song...

2007-08-14T05:54:00.000+08:00

Say hi to the ocean outside Bunker Bay in Margaret River, Western Australia... Bunker Bay is a beautiful 5-star resort with lovely villas

And my lovely mom in the nice freezing weather... See the old woman trailing behind? Say Hi to the crazy ah ma...

Mom and Faith trying muesli

Lavendar ice cream at Cape Lavendar where of cos they grow many varieties of lavendar...

Outside some wine tasting place. Margaret River is scientifically the best place in the world to grow grapes!

Nice.

But I've never missed Singapore more when I was away than I did this time.

2007-07-27T00:32:00.001+08:00

Love yourself
The crazy, unforgiving self
Twisting things around and whisking off
Into obtuse fantasies
The wrinkled and scarred skin
The imperfect body that bears
Witness of your struggles
Carries you throughout hour and day
The weight of your sorrows and joy
And into the dust and dawn
The pain carved into your wrists
And subtle melancholy weaved in those eyes

Love yourself
The silly self that cannot conform
Sticking out like a sore thumb in a crowd
And fighting to camouflage your colours
The impulse to charge with your emotions
And the self with no practical ambition

Love the gasping conflicts in your head
That never gives the peace you yearn
Love the lack of esteem as if
You’re good for nothing
And the sudden splurges on you
As if to compensate for something
With anything and anyone willing to
Distract the tearful agony and angst
Willing to love the ugly you

Well years will go on and time
Will wrap you in his grip of vice
The youth will melt away into
Paper thin figures no more than shadows
And history and faded ink
And you are nothing more than what is
The wind that howls and becomes

Nothing

2007-07-18T23:22:00.000+08:00

THINGS I HATE:

1. Tadpoles
2. Lizards
3. Dirty toilets
4. Replying smses
5. Talking on the phone
6. Math
7. People with bad temper
8. People who aren't Objective/Open-minded
9. People who don't respect other people's opinions and/or pretend to
10. People who suck up
11. Narcissists
12. Physical pain
13. Confrontation
14. Drama and Drama Mamas
15. Rigid/Inflexible rules/authourity
16. Being interrupted when I'm focused
17. Being rudely awakened
18. Being awakened any minute before the actual time I should be awake
19. That Ole Oleeuuuu french mountain girl song.
20. That miahee miahuuu song.
21. Any form of organisation/hierachy that only protects the top tier
22. Sexists
23. Bad hair days (i only ask for untangled hair)
24. Not being trusted
25. Being misunderstood
26. Religious hypocrites

2007-07-18T03:41:00.000+08:00

I always wanted to be a journalist.

I was, and still am, interested in reporting and pounding for the truth- the subversive, subjugated truth, and revealing it to the public. I love talking to people and listening to what they have to say, and reading in between the lines, and getting a grasp between intuition and what they present themselves to be. I think it's so cool to be the mouthpiece of 'truth'- the underdog reporter that stuns the whole world. And in case you haven't noticed, I love big ideas.

So, it's weird. I never thought I'd end up doing what I do now, and maybe in another ten years I'll wonder about it again.

Web design. How on earth did I end up becoming a web designer? It was never my forte, I did it just to get by the stupid modules in Poly, and now I actually do it for a respectable organization. Yes, I did do it well enough. But in my opinion, I was definitely never professionally 'good enough'. How did I become a 'web' girl? I never planned for it. To be frank, I hate html. I love the outcome of how little codes weave together to form that masterpiece, but I'd much rather be the one dictating how things should look than the technician obsessing over the technicalities. But yet.

Life's full of possibilities and paradoxically, closed doors. Somehow I know that all these pit stops will eventually be like the little dots that when you draw a pencil along them, will form a complete picture. I look back and I see this dot and that, but I still don't know how the picture will be like. I hope it will be wonderful, and I think it will be because somehow someone has had the dots put in place.

But as the picture gets drawn, I sit in my desk day after day and my best friends are called 'Dreamweaver' and 'Photoshop'. I don't see a point in it at all. I don't want to do this for life, god no, but then I know it will bring me somewhere. I'm just pretty impatient to get off the damn bus and find out exactly.

And I really do hope, even though now it seems pretty far-fetched to me, I really do hope to write for a prestigious publication someday.

Yeah I know people dream of these things all the time. I know there are lots of people better at doing it than me. I just want a stab at it, and I just want to know for sure that I'm not good enough or I'm not cut out for it before I give up. And there are tons of other things I'd like to do...

But the irony is, you can't always carpe diem and seize the day. It's not so easy, not when you're desk-bound, and your path for the next 3 years (and probable career after) are already set on paper. But still... my head's in the clouds. Maybe that's why somebody told me that I seem unfocused. Do I want this job? I'm leaving in 2 weeks.

What if I told you, no?

2007-06-12T11:31:00.000+08:00

Only 4 in 10 Singaporeans have enough money to retire in Singapore.

From The Straits Times:

By 2030, one in five Singaporeans will be aged 65 and above. According
to surveys, many older Singaporeans do not have enough in their
savings to retire on. The solution? Work longer. But what does that
mean for employees and employers? Aaron Low finds out

LIFELONG employment used to mean working in a single company until you
hit the retirement age.
Out of fashion for a while due to the dynamics of an ever-changing
economy, it is making a comeback, albeit in a different form: Having
to work for as long as you can.
Over the past two years, the Government has introduced a slew of
measures such as Workfare to encourage more people to work longer and
to get companies to keep their employees on the job.
The reason? An ageing population that is living longer, and many of
whom have insufficient funds to see them through their later years.
Only four in 10 active CPF members – those earning an income and who
turned 55 in 2005 – had the Minimum Sum of $90,000 in their CPF at the
end of last year.
With a longer average lifespan of 82 years today, this means that 60
per cent of CPF members would be short of the minimum amount needed to
fund their retirement over the next 20 years.
So for many people, retirement either at the current official age of
62, or earlier, is no longer a viable option.
It is the end of the idea of being able to put their feet up after a
30- or 40-year stretch in the workforce.
Are they prepared to work on into the twilight of their lives? And
even if they intend to, are employers willing to take them on?
Changing expectations
SECURITY supervisor Chua Seng Kee, who earns about $1,500 a month,
wants to take a trip around the world to visit friends and see places
when he retires.
The only problem, says the 49-year-old, is that he does not know when
that will be. Maybe in 15 years' time, maybe in 20, when his children,
now aged 10 and 12, get jobs.
"But I don't think I can stop working altogether. Maybe I'll do
part-time work because we'll always need some money around, like for
medical expenses."
The worries Mr Chua has about finances reflect the concerns of many here.
A survey on retirement by banking giant HSBC of 21,000 people in 21
countries – including 1,004 Singaporeans aged 40 to 79 – found that
the idea of retirement, or early retirement, no longer holds true for
most.
According to the bank's Future of Retirement survey, more than six in
10 Singaporeans said they want to work for as long as they can.
For more than half of those polled here, this was because they fear
not having enough post-retirement funds. This was especially so for
those aged 60 and above.
A major problem is that many people still do not plan for retirement,
especially older-generation Singaporeans, says Mr Joseph Chong, chief
executive of New Independent, a financial advisory firm.
A separate survey by French financial firm AXA Group recently showed
that only half of working adults here plan for retirement.
"People don't realise that with just 15 per cent of savings, a
financial plan and some sensible investing over one's working life,
retirement, or early retirement, can still be achieved," says Mr Chong.
"Unfortunately, most still don't have such a plan."
But even those who do have enough to retire on want to continue
working, simply because it gives them something to do.
Consultant Louis Tan is one such person.
The 61-year-old wants to continue beyond the retirement age as he
believes he has the skills, knowledge and ability to contribute to his
employer.
Mr Tan, who left the civil service two years ago, works for a water
management company and does not mind the hefty pay cut.
He is earning about $2,000 a month – half what he used to earn as an
engineer.
"It's not the money. I still have skills to contribute, and work keeps
my brain ticking and my limbs moving," he says.
"I still want to step down at some point, when my body cannot take the
stress.
But for now I'm content working for as long as I can." Changing
attitudes
SO WHILE there are those with older limbs who are ready for an
extended run in their careers, the question many have is whether
employers are willing to take them on.
The picture was mixed when the Manpower Ministry surveyed 2,900
private sector employers last year.
While almost all of those polled – or 97 per cent – had workers aged
40 and above, only half of the respondents had workers who were in
their 60s and above.
MP Halimah Yacob (Jurong GRC) tells Insight that while this shows that
companies are increasingly seeing the value of older workers, a lot
more needs to be done to help more people find work.
The NTUC assistant secretary-general says it is "disappointing" that
just 60.6 per cent of those in the 55 to 59 age group are still
employed, compared to other developed economies. The employment rate
for those aged between 60 and 64 is lower – at 41.9 per cent.
Economists and human resource experts explain this by saying that
there are rigidities in the market when it comes to older workers.
One major issue, as shown in the MOM survey released last month, is
that many employers say older workers are not able to meet physical
demands like heavy lifting or standing all day.
Other reasons include high medical costs, older workers being
inflexible when it comes to changes, and their not being open to training.
There is financial assistance from the Government to help companies
cope with the adjustments they have to make.
Companies can draw up to $400,000 from the Advantage! scheme to, for
example, redesign jobs, introduce flexible working hours and buy new
equipment to make it easier for older workers to work.
But employers say that while the funding is available, it usually is
not enough to pay for restructuring the workplace.
Says Mr William Lim, chief executive of curry puff maker Old Chang
Kee: "The money helps, but it is not going to cover all the costs of
hiring an older worker, like upgrading machinery to help them do their
jobs better."
Old Chang Kee has about 400 staff, of whom four in five are older workers.
It redesigned its job processes and last year added machines, like
conveyor belts, to help older employees.
Mr Lim estimates that the funding scheme covered about a quarter of
his costs.
"Eventually it boils down to an economic decision: how much value does
the older worker give to the company. We make our decision based on
that," he tells Insight.
A law will also come into force in five years' time to get companies
to re-hire workers past the age of retirement.
But while employers like local jeweller On Cheong say they want older
workers, they worry that the law will take away the flexibility a
business needs when it comes to hiring and keeping staff.
For example, if a worker can no longer be at the frontline due to age
or health considerations, the ideal situation would be to move him to
a backroom job.
"But what if there are no places? And industries like fashion and
beauty may not suit older workers because they sell youth," says On
Cheong's managing director Ho Nai Chuen.
He is quick to add, however, that his company values workers with
experience, as customers welcome their advice when it comes to buying
expensive gems and jewellery.
So as long as an employee can do the job and has a positive attitude,
Mr Ho will give him a job or keep him on at work.
But what of an older worker with little training?
Mr Ho is not too keen on them then. "If they are not trained, it is a
risk for us since we are not sure how long they can work for us as
there is always a concern over their health," he says.
But the biggest rigidity in the market for older workers may not
actually be their age.
It is their qualifications.
National University of Singapore labour economist Park Cheolsung
points out that the current crop of older workers are baby boomers who
worked in the old economy.
This means many do not have the skills to work in the new economy,
which requires a high level of technological knowledge. The MOM survey
bears this out.
It showed that the lowest incidence of older workers, by industry, was
in the information communication industry.
Just one in four employers said they employed a worker aged 60 and above.
MOM says this was because the industry is relatively young and
requires workers with the latest technical skills and knowledge.
"I think the push now to get workers employed is really for this
current generation of older folk," says Dr Park.
"But I expect future generations of Singaporeans – who are far more
educated – to have less problems finding employment when they are in
their 60s.
"In fact, the problem in the future may be that too many workers want
to retire, leaving a gap in the labour force."
For now, at least, the "death" of retirement is a sad situation, notes
NUS sociology professor Paulin Straughan
Sad, because many of the current generation of older workers had grown
up in the belief that all they had to do was to get an honest job,
work, and depend on their children to support them when they retire.
"Now many find they don't have enough money to enjoy a golden
retirement and wonder when they can finally rest."
While employers and workers are gearing up for the end of retirement,
society too will have to adjust to this new and developing situation.
Building up a silver industry that caters to the needs of older
consumers, or creating longer term insurance and better financial
planning programmes are just some of the areas where adjustments will
be required.
And just as bosses and workers have started to grapple with the
demands and challenges, the rest of society needs to begin thinking
about that process sooner rather than later.

2007-05-27T04:22:00.000+08:00

When I look at my twin, I see another way I could have been.

I guess the very interesting thing about being part of such an accidental occurrence of nature is that you are given somebody to race through life with, with the same exact head start- same parents, same home, same 'nurturing', same schooling, and even (when we were really young) same looks- you can see whether it's really nature or nurture that makes you who 'you' really are.

It occurred to me that my twin sister and I are so distinctly different despite starting out the same.

Are we born the way we are or do external influences make us this way? Do we choose our own paths or is it already predetermined by genetics?

How much of our personality is actually determined by us?

I could have been Faith. Faith could have been me. We could have been a totally different person from either of us. The only similarity we share are physical, and we have the same interest in literature and arts, we both have very bad depression, and we struggle together in a family that's less than perfect. But when it comes to taste, boys or even conversation topics, we veer steeply off-tangent in the similarities.

I remember that by the time we were in primary school the disparity was already so stark. I was over-confident of myself, loved to be sarcastic to adults (because I thought I'd score points being so 'smart'), while she was withdrawn, and emotional (she cried when we moved house), and really very kind (she donated so much of her allowance to SPCA in snail mail). I think that was when we started to look apart (another thing I always pondered about- was it when we started acting different from each other that we looked different too?).

Why do some people fuck up in good families and some don't? Why do people succeed in fucked up families and some don't?

Maybe it really is all about motivation- who you want to be becomes who you are.

Recently my Dad told me, "Life is like a playing with a deck of cards. Your cards are already picked out for you- however bad. That's just the way it is."

Then again, on the bright side, it doesn't mean that when you have a bad set of cards, and you play the game well, you can't win. I admit it's advantageous to have the good cards. But that really already is just the way it is, and you can't fight it.

2007-05-19T11:13:00.000+08:00

American Heritage Dictionary of Idioms:

Misery loves company:

Fellow sufferers make unhappiness easier to bear

2007-05-14T13:47:00.000+08:00

I don't mean to blog such random philosophical ramblings, it's not like I spend hours pondering on them.

HERE are the happy things...

1. I LOVE KEVIN.
FOR going through the thick and thin with me. Being irritating and lovable. FOR ALWAYS BEING BIAS.

2. I LOVE MY FAMILY
EVEN though it's so dysfunctional. EVEN though it's often caused me depression. FOR FAITH NG SU MIN. For being the only unit of people I can truly ever fall back upon, even if it is because we are bonded by blood.

3. I LOVE MY FRIENDS
I DON'T HAVE MANY. but, they are few and good :) ESPECIALLY. my old PL girls and MARISA YEO. AND. the occasional msn chats with mr isaac. After I left church I kind of lost faith in frienships. ANYWAY. the ones you know when you are innocent and they are innocent, WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG, ARE THE BEST.

4. I LOVE MY MONEY
because i've never been so financially independent. even though. looking at the balance can be sometimes depressing. it'll work out soon enough... but it's nice to get what i want, when i want.

5. I AM HAPPY WITH WHERE MY LIFE IS GOING
i don't regret a single decision.. and i'm convinced my future will be HAPPY SUCCESSFUL AND RICH. HAHA. :))

2007-05-10T00:48:00.000+08:00

resilience

re·sil·ience [ri zíllyənss]
or re·sil·ien·cy [ri zíllyənssee]
n
1. speedy recovery from problems: the ability to recover quickly from setbacks
2. elasticity: the ability of matter to spring back quickly into shape after being bent, stretched, or deformed

Microsoft® Encarta® Reference Library 2003. © 1993-2002 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

----------------------

What I want is resilience. Not a god, a material comfort or security, but the strength to survive the harshest weather conditions, a strength that thrives upon adversity and turns it into resolution. The amazing resilience of the human soul is shown in our ability to transcend years of wars, political campaigns, philosophy and thought reforms, poverty, famine, economic strife, diseases and still manage to live on to the monotony of the comfort of today.

We all have the freedom of choice. We are all Gods of our own lives.

We all have the ability to create and destroy, to dictate the success and failures of our lives. Even if life is unfair we can make it fair for ourselves. Even if justice, God, and every beautiful philosophy and idea fails us, we can still decide to live within the confines of our own mind, and turn our lives into where nobody can touch the world we build up.

You can do anything you want. The God and the Devil- both of them are you. The paradox is we are both our greatest friend and worst enemy.

We are both the hand that writes and the hand that seals our own fate.

2007-04-23T11:19:00.000+08:00

I once argued with somebody online for several days over Christianity.

And no, I wasn't on the offensive side.

I was on the 'for God' side. I threw every bible verse I could think of, found every shred of evidence that supported this "truth" and used my personal testimony as a final, unfailing rebuttal. I got an email from this Christian thanking me for my 'courage' and 'strength'.

But you know what?

What is God if He cannot sustain questioning?

How powerful, how substantial and how real is a religion if it cannot even withstand a little shaking under the scrutiny of logic or science?

And how insecure are its believers if at every hint of 'question'- they turn it around (not only on their own believers but on those who dare to question) that they are faithless, not walking right with God, and do not understand His mind.

To me, blind faith is nothing more than ignorance and stupidity.

It is nothing more than an excuse for the gaps in the knowledge that you cannot answer, and conveniently use 'faith' to overwrite.

Faith is not always a bad thing- but it is when it fogs up even your common sense and makes you judge others who are different with hatred.

Faith is what terrorists use to drive suicide bombers. Faith is what causes religious conflicts and wars world-wide.

Faith is dangerous when it's only reason for existence is to make you secure in your own beliefs, because you dare not or cannot face opposition for it. That is not faith anymore. That is indoctrination.

I do believe in 'faith' when it is used appropriately, and I do agree under certain circumstances it is required.

What I believe is that if there is a God so benevolent to send his only son to die on the cross for the world, He will not be cruel to persecute those who question him (not always because they oppose him).

I once heard it being preached that God wants you to use your mind- he gave you a bible to read so you have to be smart enough to do so. I don't see how such a God will then contradict the instinctive reactions of his very own creations- to be curious, to find solutions and answers, and to use the mind- and berate them severely for doing just that.

2007-04-21T17:58:00.000+08:00

Life is a game of decisions.

Between this person and that, this commitment and that, and this path of education and that- Everything isn't made up of choices; it is made up of decisions. Because you don't have a 'choice', you have to make a decision.

There are no 'mistakes'- 'mistakes' are a perception caused by your culture, your society, the 'world' in which you have chosen to live and abide by. But in another 'world', in another society, that mistake could be nothing more than just another decision.

If we could only learn to respect each other's decisions- and know that we all have a right to it. Our lives are all made up of the decisions that we have made. Why condemn others or elevate yourself? There is nothing 'right' or 'wrong' about a decision, nothing 'bad' or 'good'- there are just different decisions.

2007-03-31T02:55:00.000+08:00

If you dug your fingers into a heart
You’d find it dry and pruned
Try to hold it in your hands
And grapple for a pulse
You’d find the scars fleshy pink
And the holes from which
The blood was drained
Slowly with words and lack of love
It shrivelled into this

And it’s ironic that it’s a heart
But no longer has any capacity
To love anymore
Or skip a beat
And the rest of the organs
They do strive to keep it alive
But the body’s barely surviving

And if you see the eyes
You’d find how hard it is
To compel it to live
As though it had any chance
Of healing or being beautiful
Nothing will ever change
The damage that’s inflicted
Forever echoes in the bloodstream

Have you ever heard of this?
A heart that gave so much
It gave up on itself?

How tired the heart must be
Because it can never rest
And if it does
Then it will never start again
There is no second chance

Way Back Into Love (full version)

2007-03-28T03:48:00.001+08:00

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

2007-03-28T03:30:00.001+08:00

All of us have pain.

All of us have to deal with pain.

Some of us eat everything, some of us eat nothing, and some of us eat and then throw up everything or something. Some of us face it squarely, some of us run away. Some of us hurt others, some of us hurt ourselves. Some of us shout, and some of us keep silent. Some of us let the world know, some of us don’t have a soul. Some of us find solace in music, in movies, in alcohol, in late nights, in blogging. Some of us are reckless with our lives. Either way we survive with other distractions, finding every possible anaesthetic available to numb the pain.

So don’t tell me I’ve changed, because I don’t even know who I really am to become something you think I’ve become.

So don’t tell me what you think I’m supposed to do, because this is my life.

I’ll take responsibility for whichever way I choose to deal with the pain that comes my way the same way anyone of us does.

2007-03-24T05:46:00.000+08:00

I can't differentiate people's intentions anymore.

I don't know whether there is even one person in this world that really has an ounce of sincerity at all. Or rather, should I say, I don't know whether love is ever pure.

Can we blame people for learning to be selfish, when there is no one selfless enough to love them? Can we blame people for loving others out of selfish intentions, when otherwise there is no practical reason or would be too dangerously sacrificial to love them? Can it still be called love when it's this way?

But we have been calling it "love".

I don't know how much sincerity is priced in this world when a word like "love" has become so cheap, it's given and taken with the ease of a prostitute with legs apart.

2007-03-21T02:48:00.000+08:00

This is the boy I love
His funny nose and toes
This is the boy I love
That I’ve come to grow
Myself into
Alongside his existence
Shift into the spaces of his timetable
Find a way into the future
Right between the fingers I hold
And the tight grasp
And the crazy way his mind works
At exact opposites with mine
The constant fight against the tide
How he loves to be driven, sometimes uptight
When I’m finding a way into wonderland
Between the pillows
And I suppose it really doesn’t matter
What happened or will happen
If right at this moment
We’re walking in utter silence
The world’s at peace and
It just feels right
Even if it's just

For this moment.

-

GOODNIGHT! :)

2007-03-20T02:51:00.000+08:00

There are a lot of things I would like to have faith for.

Faith: that relationships work. Faith, that God is real and has got my back. Faith, that people are genuinely good at heart and kind. Faith, that my future's secure.

There is no evidence to God's existence.

I struggle very hard to believe in something so intangible, particularly in a society so harsh on idealists.

But sometimes I don't even know if there is a choice for me to believe.

I wonder if being brought up in a Christian household has somehow contributed to some form of childhood indoctrination.

I wonder if a bad experience and disappointment with people who label themselves as little Christ, the 'physical representative of God' has anything to do with my disgust with churches.

I wonder if God is real, or whether it is merely our need for him that is so starving we have hallucinated a deity to cope with this gap in our knowledge, about all the mind-blowing "how did we come about", "where do we go from here" and "what is the purpose of our lives" to cope with our need to compartmentalize and put every thing into neat little boxes in our minds.

I wonder if really, we are all alone, and we only have each other- If it really is a lonely planet, full stop.

It's not so bad if the truth is that this is it. Your life ends with one breath, and thereafter there is nothing left. A legacy and an eternity is an empty dream because the truth is there has been no proof. Perhaps you can really start living when you finally face the cold fact that there is no second chance, no heaven with fat cherubs.

The question is not whether God is real or not- the question is: Do we have a choice?

Or rather, do I?

I would like to blame God because if He is so ubiquitous, I feel many things can be changed. I know what any good Christian will say- it calls for faith that this faith works for good! I wonder if it’s laying one delusion over another.

I would like to throw a tantrum and relish the skeptic in me.

But the truth is I don't have a choice.

I'm not independent enough to stand on my own two feet and admit- it's okay to be alone. It's okay that there's no supernatural being that will get me lucky and manipulate my circumstances according to my prayers, and just give me the illusion of security in the belief that the universe is working for me.

It's too scary to admit that.

The truth is that I have to believe, and I continue to believe, because I need to believe. Even a drowning man will clutch at straws. Maybe, religion is a solace, and this is how we can cope. Maybe, God is real, and maybe, he isn't.

I think at the end of the day the best gauge of whether God is real for you is when you look at your own personal life and allow other people the same chance to make their own judgments about God. And when they do, sticking people with labels such as 'backslider' really is no different from bigotry. It is discrimination.

One very paradoxical question I never understood- If God is of perfect love and grace, why then is there Hell?

2007-03-16T04:53:00.000+08:00

I am looking forward to:

1)Working with SPH
2)Helping my tuition kid score really well
3)Catching the entire season of Grey's Anatomy (and every other good DVD)!
4)Reading
5)Wearing my new shoes
6)And the new eyeliner that I bought
7)Irritating my lovely twin on her maiden tram ride
8)Going to...
9)Being with people I love (you know who you are) and
10)Being happy

YAWN. :) I love you, GOODNIGHT.

2007-03-12T05:00:00.000+08:00

So I guess we can leave people behind with ease because we can jump into new relationships again. It’s easy, if we're willing enough, and so is the other party, to become used to another's presence in your life and subsequently welcome that change. You can love anybody, if you choose to. Love is not so much about that chemistry, ka-ka-boom, and really more about accommodation, giving in, being responsible and consciously making things work, and everyday making a decision to stick it through because it can be so easy to break it off- one word, a wrong tone, a bad mood, some slight difference in opinion and everything that's built up can come crumbling down. All relationships are that fragile. I don't know if I wish it were easier. We know it's hard- so why do we jump in anyway?

The short-term euphoria is worth the long-term hard work.

We all live for that one moment of joy.

The Fray - How To Save A Life (from Grey's Anatomy)

2007-03-09T04:38:00.001+08:00

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

2007-03-06T02:11:00.001+08:00

You Are An ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller!

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

What's Your Personality Type?

2007-02-28T04:30:00.000+08:00

Don't say that people fail us and we fail people, therefore mistakes should be condoned.

Yes, we fail each other. That doesn't defeat the purpose of a judicial system. We all have to face the consequences of our actions regardless of how fallible we are.

Because you can fail doesn't make it right when you do.

EVERYBODY'S FREE TO WEAR SUNSCREEN! (Original Version)

2007-02-24T20:38:00.001+08:00

A very old song I heard on the radio.

2007-02-23T03:25:00.001+08:00

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

2007-02-19T04:26:00.000+08:00

Why do we bother with other people?

We could be very happy living in our own world. Yes, you don't have to interfere with mine and I don't have to get into yours. Occasionally we could make the unpleasant awkward moment when we accidentally get involved with each other. But no, we're born into a family, picked and placed into it. No, we're given a conscience and a heart. No, we learn to feel lonely, and we learn to need people to love us.

We pry open people's hands and give them the right to slaughter us with any word, manipulative look or mind games they prefer- Just because we choose to care and we want them to love us. While it'd be very nice if it actually benefited you once in a while, the fact is that it rarely does. You take in the crap. You witness the ugly. You get taken advantage of. And in that process, you become someone you didn't know you were, and do things you didn't know you were capable of.

Just a little bit of love.

Why is it so hard to love or be loved?

2007-02-18T14:40:00.000+08:00

I can't believe how sentimental I am.

Just one message wishing me happy cny from someone i haven't met or thought of in over a year can get me feeling touched. A little surprised, mostly touched. Even nostalgic.

It's nice to be remembered.

-

Nerve.com Strangers by Futoshi Miyagi

When you're done, there's more at:

Strangers by Futoshi Miyagi

I spent like half an hour looking through these pictures. Go see!

2007-02-13T03:16:00.000+08:00

Hello.

I think I may blog really frequently now that I like this new layout and the name! So clean and pink. It feels like a fresh start. Well.. even though its 3am and I have a 9am paper tomorrow..the queen of procrastination bids you farewell.